3 Ways to find out WHO you really ARE.

Ever hear the saying: The struggle is REAL? Well actually the STRUGGLE is a LIE. According to Spiritual Teacher and television personality Iyanla Vanzant, any difficulty we face in life is a manifestation of an imbalance, dysfunction or breakdown within our mind or heart. We struggle because we become resistant to the internal work.


In fact, the upsets we encounter in life are actually a sign that there is work we need to do within ourselves. Most of us don’t even know how to look within. How do we figure out WHAT we need to do and HOW to do it so that we get the resolution we desire? Some of us know what to do, how to do and we still don’t do it. WHY?

Because we don’t know WHO we ARE, we struggle and suffer unnecessarily. We distract ourselves with money, materialistic things and external achievements to distract us from
looking at the things about ourselves and our lives that are difficult but necessary to tackle into order to know who WE ARE. So for just a moment, let go of the external world, create distance from the technology that has you tied to your iPhone or Android and start listening to yourself.


Everything starts with energy. “Every thought. Every word. Every emotion. Every experience. It can not be destroyed. It will always exist. It can only be altered or transformed,” says Iyanla in her Youtube chat, ‘When you’re not ready to do the work’ . She believes that our traumas from childhood can affect our every decision into adulthood. For example, the trauma you experienced in the classroom when kids laughed at you for getting the answer wrong is still living inside your body. The fear of running away from a dog chasing after you still lives inside you if you have haven’t released or healed it. The trauma, emotional/mental scars are the broken pieces. How do these broken pieces rise to the surface in your life?


‘I’m a failure. I’m a procrastinator. I’m not good enough.’ These are some of the thoughts that keep us from finding our truth. When we have these negative thoughts, we must ask ourselves why? In order to answer the why, we must first learn how to breathe. Fill up the lungs, expand them and deflate, expelling the negative energy with a full breath. This process slows down the mind and brings clarity. The soothing power of repetition is at the heart of this meditative state.

“When we experience trauma, we stop breathing and that negative energy gets caught up in your being,” says Iyanla.

Our next step is to get honest about our thoughts, feelings and behavior. We must be ok with acknowledging when we are wrong and forgiving ourselves for thinking and feeling a certain way. For example, many women tend to think they love themselves yet will date men who are emotionally unavailable and incapable of loving them in the way they need to be loved. If you love yourself, you’ll recognize when men aren’t worthy of your time. Love yourself enough to let go. Loving ourselves means to also know who we are? Do you know what motivates you to love men who are emotionally unavailable? Do you understand when you are angry and afraid? More than just knowing…why do you think, feel and behave the way you do? When you can honestly answer these questions, then you’ll get closer to knowing who you are.

So what steps must we take to get HONEST? Iyanla suggests the following:

  1. Acknowledge what you do. (i.e I date emotionally unavailable men)
  2. Accept that there’s some parts of you that need healing, growing and stretching, (i.e I accept that I can not truly love myself if I am dating emotionally unavailable men. I forgive myself for not believing I deserve more.
  3. Begin to become aware of what you are acknowledging and accepting. Dig deeper by asking yourself where the root of the problem began. (i.e My father was emotionally unavailable and not a consistent presence in my life. I forgive my father for not being there for me. I forgive myself for not thinking I was not worthy of my father’s love.)

Get Iyanla’s Fixin’s chat by clicking the link. It will change your life!


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